Lately, the topic of children passing through the Veil has been coming into my awareness again and again. I flipped on my kitchen TV one day while cleaning, and there was a couple still devastated by the loss of one of their twins at 3 days old. Then I saw the story currently featured on HelloGiggles, about a little 6-year-old boy who left his mom and dad a goodbye note before contracting a rare fatal illness. And then, I learned of a local 1-year-old who somehow crawled behind a pickup and was killed when it backed over him.
The parents in each case had one thing in common. They were absolutely devastated by the belief that their child had been taken before his/her time, and the guilt of an endless supply of what-ifs. What if one mom hadn't let her child play in the dirt, where he picked up a rare and deadly amoeba? What if the parent driving the pickup hadn't decided to move it just then? What if the mom of the twins had taken a different prenatal vitamin?
And the answer to each of those what-ifs is the same, and it's an answer that might give these families some semblance of relief if they only knew it. What if something had been different? What if a whole lot of somethings had been different? The answer: Each of these children would have passed anyway.
Here's the thing. No one ever dies before their time. Not murder victims, not accident victims, not victims of rare diseases, or common ones either, for that matter. In fact, the word "victim" itself is completely inaccurate.
We must begin to think of children (and adults) as souls; eternal, immortal souls who have experienced many physical lifetimes and who will experience many more. They have lived and will continue to live through countless births and apparent deaths, over and over again. And they are with us before they come, while they're here, after they depart, after we join them. Always.
As souls, these precious ones choose to come into a physical incarnation. They choose their parents. They choose how long they will stay and the gifts they will bring. The parents, also souls who are eternal, agree to all of this too, for the sheer purpose of the expansion it will bring to everyone involved. In fact, that's the purpose of every lifetime; to experience as much as possible and to grow and expand and evolve because of it.
It is difficult enough for families whose children leave this incarnation at a young age, without the added burden of all of the what-ifs and all the guilt. And it's so misguided and so unnecessary. They left this lifetime exactly when they intended to. And the means by which they go is usually a matter of the path of least resistance. Souls, in their higher wisdom and complete connection, don't have any fear of "death," and when it's time to move on, they steer the body toward the easiest path to the other side. Sometimes, the means of death can also serve as another part of what they came to share, to teach, to add to the fabric of the Whole. Sometimes it's to guide the parent to deeper levels of understanding. But to get there, one has to get past the pain, the guilt, the sense of tragedy, untimeliness, and loss.
Many never reach that stage of acceptance during their current lifetime, but we all achieve it the instant we pass to the other side ourselves. All of us awaken to the dawning of perfect understanding. Peace enfolds us and we experience re-union even as we realize we were never truly separated. We experience the blissful, immediate, and complete healing of our grief.
But we don't have to wait. We can get a taste of that relief and let the healing begin while we're here. There's no need for the suffering brought about by the endless what-ifs. The answer is clear. Everything has unfolded exactly as our souls intended, in the best way for our growth and for the expansion of the whole.
The challenge we face is in releasing the guilt and the sense of tragedy and loss, and embracing a new kind of connection with the soul who has passed. We can still reach them, but we have to retrain ourselves to connect internally, rather than externally. We can't use our physical senses to see, hear, touch those who are no longer physical. But we see, hear and touch in our dreams, without using our eyes, ears or hands, don't we? This is how we can experience them now. In that part of the brain we call "imagination" which is not at all imaginary. It's just a different plane of reality.
Perhaps most importantly, we have to remember that like attracts like. When we pass over we are at the highest vibration imaginable. Those on the other side are in bliss. And for those of us still in our physical forms, the higher part of us, the bigger part of us is still there on the other side with them, also in bliss.
When we are mired in grief and guilt, we cannot match the energy of bliss. It's only as we reach for a higher level of being, for peace and acceptance and the tranquility of knowing that all is as it should be, and in fact, the only way it could be, that we can begin to lift our vibration high enough to connect to them, and to our own Higher Selves as well. When our dominant vibration is aligned to that of our Higher Self or Soul, our Higher Power or Source, our Goddess, our God, this is what's called alignment. And when we are aligned with Source we are also aligned with our beloved ones who are no longer physical.
Acceptance is key. Releasing the notion that you should not feel happy ever again because they are "gone," (they're not) and so the idea of happiness is somehow a betrayal of their memory, (it's not) is crucial. They don't want us in pain. They want us in bliss, so they can reach us to tell us how perfect and joyful and complete they are, and how perfectly their lives unfolded, and how they did exactly what they came to do, and how you're going to have a great big V8 moment when you come to join them, because it all becomes so obvious you'll want to knock yourself in the head and say, "Duh. Of course. How did I not see that before?"
Unless of course, you start to see it now. And even then, I think we're all going to have that moment, because we're only just scratching the surface of the absolute perfection of who we really are and what life really is. Oh, it's so much more than our brief handful of years in our bodies. Infinitely more.
I believe that when our loved ones cross before us, our biggest challenge is to find joy again. That's what they came to help us learn to do. If we refuse joy we're not accepting the gift they came to bring us. Only by finding our way back to joy can we fulfill their mission and our own. It's in our joy that we honor their memory, not in our crippling grief.
For more information that has given me a great deal of peace and enlightenment and comfort about crossing over, check these books:
The Afterlife of Billy Fingers: How my Bad-Boy Brother Proved To Me There's Life After Death by Annie Kagan.